Alaska, Hawaii Accidentally Left off of Crucial Homeland Security Bill
-Washington, D.C. (AP)
The United States Senate Thursday passed a Homeland Security budget bill, neglecting to include as recipients of funds Alaska and Hawaii. In what has been called “a gross oversight”, “an embarrassment to lawmakers”, and “a boo-boo”, the Senate voted 55-45 in favor of SR-1037, which budgets close to $10 billion to state governments to be appropriated towards Homeland Security projects.
Despite their presence at the voting, Senators Daniel Inouye (D) and Daniel Akaka (D) from Hawaii and Ted Stevens (R) and Lisa Murkowski (R) from Alaska nevertheless voted to pass a bill which did not include their respective states in the budget.
While most legislators expressed a mild level of embarrasment at leaving two members of the Union off of a crucial bill, some have maintained a somewhat blase attitude about the affair.
“They don’t really matter, though, do they?” Illinois Senator Barack Obama (D), who ironically was raised in Hawaii, said insouciantly. “I mean, what have you done for me lately?”
Likewise, longtime Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy (D) and co-sponsor of SR-1037 stated, “Yeah, we generally joke with the guys from Alaska and Hawaii about how they don’t really count, you know, just messing around. But I guess this time I really forgot they do count. Oops.”
Ted Stevens appeared embarrased and flustered when approached as exiting the Hart Senate Building. Stevens was quoted as stating, “Do you think we actually read this shit? Leave me alone.”
Added Stevens, “Fuck you”, as he was ushered into his car by members of the Secret Service.
Senators Akaka, Inouye, and Murkowski were unavailable for comment.
