Senile Musician Loses Cell Phone at Amusement Park
Malibu, California (Rueters)
Music legend Bob Dylan, who made headlines late last year by purchasing his first cell phone, has reportedly lost the cell phone and is currently issuing an open plea to his fans worldwide to return it should any of them come across it. A statement issued on the Rock and Roll Hall of Famer’s website this past Monday reads:
“To all my fans and friends,
As many of you know, I recently purchased my first cell phone. Last week, while at an outing with one of my children at a well-known Southern California amusement park known as Dinseyland [sic], I lost my cell phone. My phone is an iPhone (3G model) in a bright pink case and the wallpaper is the cover from Blonde on Blonde. On the back, I have written in magic marker, ‘This phone is property of Bob Dylan’. There is a lot of sensitive information on that phone, and pictures of a personal nature, too. I ask if any of you happen to come across it, to please mail it my record company, Columbia Records, at the address given below. There is a substantial reward and probably some backstage passes to one of my shows being offered for its recovery. I may have been on Space Mountain when I lost it.”
According to insiders, Dylan is notorious for losing things and becoming extremely agitated when he does so. According to a long-time road crew member who wishes to remain anonymous, “Bob loses stuff all the time, but he’s also pretty cheap, so anytime he loses anything, he goes nuts. I remember once, he lost a mitten, and he spent something like 5 hours looking for it on the tour buses and in the hotel…that thing must’ve cost like $1.25, but he kept on looking. He never did find it.”
When asked to comment, his son, filmmaker Jesse Dylan, corroborated the picture painted of his father. “Dad loses stuff pretty often, even really expensive stuff that’s hard to lose. I remember once, in 1994, he lost his car. It was a 1989 Ford Taurus, and he looked everywhere for it, for weeks and weeks, all over LA. He even flew to New York to look for it, which I didn’t really get. Filed reports and everything, but he never saw it again.”
Amongst his fans, however, speculation has arisen as to what kind of content the famously reclusive rocker has on his coveted iPhone. Theories ranging from steamy photographs to evidence of hitherto unknown children have been proposed on various fan websites, and it appears now that many fans are now making the pilgrimage to Disneyland in order to locate the phone: Disneyland has reported a spike in visitors to the theme park since Tuesday, which it attributes to the news of Dylan’s lost phone and maniacally overzealous fans. While whether or not Bob Dylan has naked photographs of himself or evidence of secret children stored on his phone remains to be seen, it is undeniable that many fans will try to seize the opportunity (however minuscule it is) to get a bit closer to their musical hero.
